About five years ago I was driving around the Berkeley hills with someone I'll call a comrade in the arts. A very "well educated" Celtic-Anglo-French American mother of two; happily married and fortunate enough to live in one of the wealthier, very nice parts of Oakland, California. A friend that I performed music with and often did some work for. I consider her a great talent though I have not seen her in ages. As the conversation turned to talk of my occasional presentations in area schools she commented:
"I hope you don't have to deal with all those diversity Nazis, you know? The ones that are always on about how bad I'm supposed to feel because I'm white? With the whole 'don't you wish you weren't related to all those oppressors' and I'm like actually 'no', in fact I'm proud I come from highly intelligent composers, conquerors, writers and artists! We actually have a hell of lot going for us historically! And my kids are not going to feel ashamed about who they are either."
The rest of the conversation was pretty much along the same lines. Add to that the very negative experience she had working a retail job while attending CAL, continually being bullied by two African American girls and there were not many discernible elements of patience and equanimity to be found regarding her views on race:
"They'd touch my hair and say 'you're good looking, for what you are and sit on their fat asses, never do any work and make nasty comments for no other reason besides the fact I'm white." More of the same type of statements followed including how shopping out in " Walnut Creek aka whitey town" (her words said with gusto) was always preferable.
It is uncomfortable for an anti-racist to know how to respond to such an acquaintance's experience. You may have a similar conversation with a stranger whom you happen to sit with for ten minutes on a park bench and possibly you've said similar things yourself. Societal conditioning tells white people to nod their heads and/or try to either change the subject or commiserate and let out the "inner rabid racist" that supposedly all POC feels lives inside every white person. The latter position has some truth to it, as the subconscious thread in American race relations, buoyed largely by the media's pandering to historical stereotypes , that says because the white power structure is omnipotent and all knowing that it will label, or worst, cast out, those who dare dissent and side with the "others". And because ultimately most people bow down to power.
Granted this was not a friend in the close sense, this was an employer and someone I was friendly with through the arts. It made me wonder how many white employees nod along. Yet, it would be wrong not to acknowledge that her experiences were hurtful and that she has every reason to want to raise her children without guilt. Yes you'll hear people of all races act as she did. The upper middle white liberal guilt and self hatred in the Bay Area is legend and much of its well intentioned original principles that grew out of the Free Speech Movement at CAL long gone in favour of conspicuous consumption and blatantly hypocritical attempts at diversity (eg: marching for Tibetan liberation while paying women poverty level wages for childcare etc). Meanwhile the miserable poverty and crime that many African-American, Hispanic, Asian and White people endure in the SF/Bay lower class is some of the worst in the country. (Due to the sharp class and race distinctions in Oakland, virtually all white wealthy parents have their children in private schools at some point.) Alongside those two, very real extremes is a small but very committed, very stalwart community of every type of person, activist, economic background, age, race and combo thereof imaginable (many of them parents) who "keep it real", get things accomplished and who make community groups in places like Berkeley and Albany the storied torch-bearers of successful diversity that they are.
My friend was not interested any of the aforementioned groups and in fact she recoiled from all of them openly and I'm sure she still is; that is her choice. In the end, I told her that my views were very different. Even if I had lived a few of her exact same experiences and acted just as she had, I had simply seen the nastiness of few far too many times to let it harden me. I won't be a cog in the continuous human machine of hypocrisy and primitiveness that is racism. I refuse to not continue to judge people as individuals and assess situations as I came upon them and that is how my children will be raised. But hard nuts to crack aside, when, after acknowledging our own experiences and responsibilities with internalized or blatant racism, how does a friend stay true to the good fight when a friend or acquaintance (of any race) acts like a bigot?
Explain how you've decided that you cannot yield to stereotypes and racism in the bigger picture? Or if you embrace racism (be it subtle or outright) than explain why. What do you think?
3 comments:
Wow, friends who are "Racist". Well, aren't most people "racist"? or at least a little prejudice? Even the most liberal amongst us? I consider myself to be pretty open minded but even I have some prejudices and I have some stereotypes about certain groups of people, not necessarily based on race though. There is a such thing as white guilt and there is a such thing as black guilt too. Some blacks feel a collective guilt for the criminal behavior of a fringe element of their race, just as some whites feel collective guilt about the crimes thruought history that white people have committed. I hear some whites whining about occaissionaly running into a black "racist" or being treated badly by black people. It DOES happen, but I am pretty sure that black people have to deal with hateful whites a lot more often, because for one thing, blacks are a minority in this country and there are an awful lot more whites around to do the hating. Basically what I believe is that NOBODY should feel collective guilt, whether they are white or black. We as individuals have no control over what ANYONE else does, so we should just focus on our individual behaviors and try and treat everyone with respect, everyone who deserves respect that is. Respect is EARNED! Basically we should make judgements on people on an individual basis, not because of a stereotype. I know, this is "simpleton" stuff but it really is pretty simple. No need to over intellectualize using common sense. I find that most nasty, rude and racist people whether they are the black ones or the white ones, tend to be poor and uneducated, 9 times out of 10. Of course there are exceptions to every rule! By me saying that, im also showing one of my prejudices too. Just based on my life experience, I try to avoid poor and uneducated people. I avoid the areas where they hang out. I know that is snobbish, I'm guilty as charged. I know it is wrong in a way to think like that, especially since some of my roots are "Working Class". I'm not immune to having prejudices either. Having said this, again I also understand that there are "poor folks" who are wonderful people, and so called "uneducated" folks who are self educated and they do not have an ignorant mentality, but those might be the exception to the rule, and that is politically incorrect for me to say that too, but from my own experience that seems to be true. When I'm with a friend and they make sweeping generalizations about blacks, jews, hispanics, etc. I do speak up and try to show them my point of view, thats all I can do. I can't force them to change. But obviously friends of mine rarely make such generalizations around me because they know I am married to a black woman.
Yes and thanks , I changed the title. we are all racist to some extent that is very true. I think the most esoteric part though is that inside everyone's mind is a different reason as to why and how much it effects them.
"I am pretty sure that black people have to deal with hateful whites a lot more often, because for one thing, blacks are a minority in this country and there are an awful lot more whites around to do the hating."
Definitely a logical reality!
I think for all my friend's "education" she showed a paucity of understanding regarding Cultural dissonance. It makes you question ANYONE's education when they don't get that concept.
Amanda as I've gotten older I've come to realize that the problem lies NOT in individual races of people but in PEOPLE. People by nature are fearful, clannish and ignorant.
Fear of that which we don't know is perfectly normal. Clannish behavior can be seen as "brotherhood" and honestly ignorance is simply NOT knowing. That's our NATURAL state. Rather or not we choose to remain there is an individual choice.
To me mankind is a dual edged sword. I see mankind's beauty along with every ugly thing he's ever done to his brother or sister. Racism was simply a tool used by wealthy men to keep men of different races fighting amongst themselves long enough NOT to notice they were ALL being screwed.
When everyone's the SAME race then divides are created because of religion or ideology. It's like a Stienbeck novel. There are 200 jobs. but 2000 of us came from Oklahoma for them and the guy hiring will use that as an excuse to underpay all of us. Anyone who complains or notices...is a "red" or a "trouble maker" to be dealt with.
My ancestors were owned by the French who worked my male ancestors to death and used my female ancestors as their concubines. Am I bitter? I won't say I am, but I can't say I'm not a little. Does this color my perception of all people of European ancestry? Hell no. We should always remember our history and it's significance, but we shouldn't fight our ancestors wars or harbor their grudges.
Their day is behind us and while we should honor the memory of those who precede us, we also have an obligation to both ourselves and those who follow to simply treat one another with dignity and respect. There is a line in the movie Full Metal Jacket that sums up my feelings. A foul mouthed Drill Instructor comes in and says "I do not look down on..." and then goes into a rant naming every racial slur in the book, then concludes with "In my eyes you are all EQUALLY worthless." But that's jut MY opinion.
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